Will I Regret Not. . .

Every day I walk by the "days until" calendar I created. I strategically placed it beside the door I must leave through to go anywhere. It is 107 days out. At the end of each day, as I pass by the calendar or cross off a day, I want to feel as though I have done enough. Now, at the close of each day I think to myself, "Will I regret not biking 30 more minutes today. . . biking faster...pushing myself more...swimming a little harder...running just one more mile"?

My mind is one big question mark of expectations for a desire to be "more than ready". I want more than anything to be prepared. And life sometimes, can get in the way of that preparedness.
This has become extremely tough and I feel vulnerable to my own mind. I have no doubts that I will finish. Once I get to that day, I will utilize whatever preparation I have available to finish what I have started. But now is the time to prepare and I want to ensure I am using the time I have available to prepare well.

I think back to TOSRV weekend and wish I had the time and energy to do that every weekend. But then again, what purpose would that serve? Is that becoming compulsive? If I did have time, would I do it? And how much better would I actually be?
What is my goal here? I want to finish. I need to evaluate myself and do what I need to do without giving up what makes life valuable - PEOPLE.

I need to find the BALANCE toward the goal without regrets that I could have done just a little bit more. I need to have CONFIDENCE in my own abilities and realize that I AM doing everything I can to be as prepared as is humanly possible the day of the race.

May 8-May 14

• 5-8-10 & 5-9-10 - Ride 236 Miles - TOSRV weekend (*please see separate blog titled TOSRV 2010).
• 5-10-10 - Stretch Swim - in order to get the lactic acid out of my legs for all the hard work they put forth this past weekend, I completed my 1-hour stretch swim. This particular stretch swim entailed trying to go to the bottom of the 12-foot end and pretty much screwing around for an hour. It was actually really fun!
• 5-11-10 - TOSRV day off - Resting! I blew a whole day doing pretty much nothing constructive at all.
• 5-12-10 - Run 1:10 (Z3)/Swim 4,000 yards - I was able to get my run in before the rain came and it felt wonderful! The swim was nothing unusual. I was able to get my 4,000 yards in. Once again (I am beginning to sound like a broken record), I am feeling that much stronger in the water. I am enjoying seeing how my back and shoulders are increasing in strength with each passing week. It is yet to be determined if I am faster because of it.
• 5-13-10 - Run 1:30/Bike 1:15 - The run felt good today. It was HUMID and probably the first humid day I have experienced in quite awhile. It was kind of fun dripping with sweat. I guess I feel like I am doing more when I am nasty and gross after a workout. BRING IT ON LOUISVILLE HEAT. I will be ready for you! The bike was a bit different today. I decided after TOSRV weekend that I needed more work on hills. So, I spent the first 45 minutes working hills and then the remaining 30 minutes "putzing around" for a few extra miles. The only funny thing that happened, was for the first 45 minutes, my back pouch wasn't zipped. So, after I completed all the hills, I noticed stuff just started flying out behind me. Glad my phone still works after being chucked onto the pavement. Jeesh!
• 5-14-10 - Swim 4,000 yards - TOSRV weekend caught up with me today. I was able to get my swim in. However, while I was loading my bike gear into my car, I could hardly keep my eyes open. I decided a nap would be in order and the length of this nap would determine if and when I would go ride. 2 hours later I woke up and decided I would not ride today. I will save all of my ambitions for the weekend and hope it is as nice as it is supposed to be. "Will I regret not...riding today?" I guess I will see soon enough.