Why?

Why do I do this? I guess the better questions is, why not do this?
It seems we spend the majority of our youth working toward something. At least in my experience, sport was always a great part of my life. It taught social, time management and life skills. Most importantly, it gave me a goal. It was as if I was always focused upon getting faster or being better or defeating that one specific opponent who was "that much better" than me.
School also played a significant role in my youth. I studied to perform well and was always learning something new. Even when sport wasn't a significant part of my life (enter the college years) academics took over that role. It gave me something to focus upon.
Exit college, enter adulthood and a "real job". When I first started working it was exciting. I was actually making money, was now living on my own and the career possibilities were seemingly endless. I just knew that I would be "somebody". I knew I had the ability and the drive to make it in "corporate" and I was going to do it (yea me...rah! rah! rah!).
It didn't take long before I began to understand what "corporate" really meant and that being ones own cheerleader wasn't going to be enough to make it to the top of the "corporate ladder".
Enter "downsizing". I was cut from my first "real" job, treated like a moron in my second, experienced a company buy-out in my third and another company downsizing in my fourth. I very quickly realized that companies didn't care about their employees and that I, for the first time in my life, realized what being expendable was. This feeling of expendability can wear on a person. I felt heartbroken. That energy I had when I first graduated, after 10 years in this pit called corporate, had been depleted. I understood that my success was not controlled by my ability or my drive. It was controlled by "someone" and if this someone decided (for whatever reason) they didn't want me there, with a snap of a finger, I was gone.
Now what? Why had I gone to college? I had been successful in sports and academically I had done well. But what was I to do with this new set of information that I would never succeed or fulfill my career ambitions (actually, I had no desire to fulfill my career ambitions if it meant beating on people as I had been beaten).
Enter Ironman.
I've been asked - "why do this"? I respond - "why not do this"?
For the first time since leaving behind the athletic and academic goals of my youth, I am standing on top of the world (independently, this is reason enough). I feel as if my fate and my future are once again in my hands, pending how hard I am willing to work and how much time I am willing to invest. There isn't anyone who can keep me from realizing this goal but me: no politics, no judgements, no jealousies. I am the CEO, the manager and the employee. I am a one-man corporation with the final outcome always being positive (that I worked toward something and regardless of the final result, I did what I needed to do to complete this task).
So, why not? What an amazing challenge! What an adventure! What a journey! This process (in under a year) has changed me. I am not the same person I was before this journey began. It was as if the Ironman process has wiped my slate (covered in career disappointment, personal failures and all human error that was burned into my brain dragging me down) clean. It is a selfish process, but a process that has made me a better person and therefore, a better person to everyone around me. I no longer have voices of defeat and misery infiltrating my brain. Instead, I am encouraged every day; not only by those who also believe in this process, but by my own mind (the one thing I can control, but can quickly lose control if not nurtured properly).
Now, whatever happens in my life, regardless of circumstance, I know that I have this "thing" called Ironman and the process that goes along with it to get me through whatever challenges life throws at me.

March 29-March 31

• 3-29-10 - Swim 4,000 yards/weights 30 minutes - After completing most of my workout, I was able to complete :35/50 yard sprints - not too terrible considering I had already finished 2 miles.
• 3-30-10 - Run 2 hours - Today I felt the need to run - awhile. I set out for a 2 hour run, but not without incident. Note: ate a banana and yogurt with granola before the run with success (haven't had a great deal of success with nutrition before a run before). At the 1:30 point in my run I wanted to turn for home so badly (I was .5 miles away). But those wicked voices in the back of my mind spoke up, actually they more than spoke up, they were yelling at me to quit being a pansy and to suck it up and run the extra 30 minutes. Actually, to be even more specific, the voice said "are you going to give up when you feel this way during the Ironman race or do you want to truly be an Ironman". It was at this moment, that I made a right turn and ran the additional 30 minutes. The only issue I felt was at 1:45, the lactic acid in my left leg was not happy. I had a sharp pain from the middle of my shin that went down into my foot. I've noted this feeling before and remember it well from the Fall.
• 3-30-10 (cont...) - After the run I felt pretty great, aside from my left leg (incident noted). My heart rate bordered on Z2-Z3 and in the Fall, I was a low Z2 the entire 2 hours. I am still nervous about the run portion of the race, but I still have 5 months to improve and will continue to "up" my run 10% weekly (if possible) to give my mind some more stability as it is still a bit shaky.
• 3-31-10 - Swim 4,000 yards/Bike Trainer (outside) 1 Hr - Hallelujah it's warm enough to put the trainer outside. I didn't have time to go on the road, so the trainer outside was enough. I even got some sun. Tomorrow, I hit the open road.